How To Get Pulled Out Of A New Zealand Customs Queue

New Zealand Customs Border1. SMUGGLE GOODS – 2009

The chicken salad croissant was an after-thought. Eating half at LAX and dropping the rest into my carry-on, the lunch was forgotten until an x-ray machine at Auckland Airport picked up the distinctive radar of rotten poultry.

“Is this yours?”  The Customs Officer held the croissant between two distasteful fingers, as if pastry was only slightly less contraband than digested balloons of heroin. Gulp. “Are you aware that bringing illicit food products across the border is considered bio-terrorism?”

By the time my interrogation finished – “Did you pack this bag? How long has this item been in here? Where did you purchase this . . . croissant?” – I was blacklisted with the Department of Agriculture and short $250 dollars. The $500 fee was halved, once I convinced her that it was a careless mistake, and not an act of international espionage.

New Zealand Customs

Pointing out the fine print: a Customs fee is an expensive way to start a holiday.

New Zealand Customs Immigration2. FALSIFY DOCUMENTS – 2013

This time, the lack of an exit flight was blamed on misinformed airline attendants. “You know you can’t enter New Zealand on a tourist visa, unless you can show a ticket out within the next 90 days?”

I didn’t know, nor did I love the flush of embarrassment that came from being escorted out of the Customs queue by uniformed officials; I got no thrill from frantically scanning Expedia for the cheapest flights. And that final climatic moment (Will the confirmation email arrive before my laptop battery dies?) was a challenge I never needed to face again.

You denied me power outlets, I denied you an exit ticket. Or, I bought the most expensive one I could find, then promised the Senior Officer that it was a stupid oversight, and not an international act of espionage.

New Zealand Customs

Proof of a departure flight: don’t leave home without one.

baby3. HAVE A BABY – 2014

Now, I approach that painted line on the carpet with a liquid anxiety that oozes out of clenched palms. This side, safety. That side, fines, fees and the inevitable look of disappointment on the Customs Officer’s face.

“And what brings you to Queenstown?” Panic. Does having your first child qualify as business, pleasure, or other? What did I circle on my Declaration form? I grin weakly and explain my situation: a visa granted just weeks before, a baby just weeks from arriving, this South Island city the place I need to call Home.

The officer frowns in concern and studies my passport. “Does Immigration know about this? Sorry, but I’ve never had anyone come to Queenstown to give birth before!”

20 nervous minutes and one rushed phone call to the embassy later, and my 9-month-bump is kicking in relief. Still surprised no one patted down my stomach, searching for a whole stash of unused airline tickets and chicken salad sandwiches . . .

baby

Aila Mae Fitzpatrick: my legal reason for moving to New Zealand.

Photo credit: AIGA symbols; Hadyn Fitzpatrick

Advertisements

8 responses to “How To Get Pulled Out Of A New Zealand Customs Queue

  1. Interesting post Kelli. If I hadn’t been pulled out of the queue myself a few times, I’d say it was funny. $250 for a sandwich!! I think that in many cases, hardcore immigration and customs staff are more concerned about their own power trip than public safety. And FYI, on our last RTW we wanted to buy our tickets as we went so we could be flexible. So for the countries with strict regulations, we used our scanner and some online plane schedules and generated our own fake outbound e-tickets, and amazingly, they worked. Interestingly, when I last entered NZ I was carrying a case of Dengue Fever. I guess the immigration folks missed that little surprise. ~James

    • A few times? 😉 Hope the Dengue didn’t totally ruin your time in NZ- good thing Customs never noticed! I’m curious about the self-made tickets, though you’re not the first person to have used them successfully. It would sure beat the last-minute scramble to buy them in the Customs queue…

  2. I really enjoyed your stories and also the blog format with the flashing titles which lured me in ! I only had one bad trip when I ran up to the gate huffing and puffing in Frankfort because I thought the plane was leaving me behind. Evidentially panting and a red sweaty face are cause for suspicion as I was detained and a full search done. Embarrassed but not worried. They held the plane so all my huffing was for nothing! Your lovely Aila Mae ! What is one called that resides in New Zealand please? Kathryn

Leave your words with me!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s